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Faux Reflections on an Imaginary NSO

New Student Outreaches (i.e., NSO or Week of Welcome) are lingering around the corner for most campuses, and I’m really excited for everyone that gets to participate. I’m a li’l jealous though. I wish I were on campus, waltzing into the sea of students wavering back and forth from place to place. I enjoy being that one person stopping students in their tracks to ask them a question that, you know, could change their life. While other persistent organizations are fanning students with glossy fliers and lavishing them with cheap freebies like unsharpened wooden pencils, here I am with a dainty cup of bubbles to blow and a wrinkly, blank contact card with a dried up pen that hardly writes. But I hold tight to my magical question and fancy interactive wall.

In remembrance of what I love to do, I figured I’d post about NSO as though I’m actively participating in it.

The following entry is not real.

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My Conquest

As you may know, I’m getting pummeled by swarms of questions from different directions. I don’t mind this, because thankfully most of them are the same and I’m not caught off guard by some random and deep theological question to “test” my “ability” to be a minister on campus.

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What’s in Fresno?

Note: This is just a friendly exaggeration. :-)

Even after explaining why I’ll be going to Fresno, some people insist on asking, “Why Fresno” as if I haven’t provided any substantial reasoning to justify a move from a place like Los Angeles to a place like Fresno (which was considered one of America’s Most Boring Cities next to Bakersfield, according to Forbes.) Or I get questions like “What’s in Fresno” when I already explained that my calling and occupation resides in this area. It’s like the mention of the city paralyzes them from being able to comprehend.

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My Life in FAQs

My friend and I (left) being overly bashful.

The other day I was at a party. And being the INFJ that I am, my friend and I were rather early, but early enough to hit the small crowds. This was good for me, because I socialize best in doses, but all in one big hit (if I were to have arrived later like everyone else) would’ve left me against the walls. The problem with doses, though, is that you get hit with the same questions throughout the night because the later crowds aren’t there to listen to your casual interrogation. What I noticed was that this wasn’t the only night I had to answer them, but my entire past year: at work, at church, old friends that managed to find me on facebook, people that I randomly met from wherever I randomly was, etc.

And for my friends in cyberspace, you too may have a few questions yourselves. But I can probably guess some of them already. To develop my virtual friendship with you, here are some of my life’s frequently asked questions in vintage chat room form. Most people hate Comic Sans MS — myself included. But I thought it’d be amusing to have it for this divine virtual appointment.

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