Like everyone else in this world, I have issues. I have a chronic, debilitating mental infection called wourriphilus. Wourrie for short. Actually, it’s just worry. I’m sorry if I frightened you. I know this doesn’t sound as uncontrollably merciless as Mad Cow Disease or the Ebola virus. But when you’re an introvert, like me, dark thoughts fester in a frenzy, eating away – like a legion of venomous zombies – at any good thing left in your daydreaming, rainbow mind moments so that only wourrie can have its freedom and room to exist.
I am a wourriphilus wart.
I know I’m jacking up the spelling. I realize this. The thing is, sometimes, I am so consumed by my worry that my general behavior and response to situations don’t look like the recognizable worry that most people are familiar with. Sometimes, my wourriphilus relentlessly warps my responses into unintelligible and unfavorable reasoning, eventually deterring me from enjoying the simplicities of life.
…Like innocent searches about my health on the internet.
…Or my interest in sleep, because I think that creepy girl from The Ring sometimes actually exists.
…Or appreciating the backseat of my car because movies like the Saw make me think people really creep their way into cars just to torture random souls about their mistakes.
It’s such an unhealthy distortion of the word that the actual word doesn’t adequately demonstrate the reality of my conditions. So, I gotta screw it up.
Aside from horror movies, public speaking and spontaneous bowel movements, the levels of my wourriphilus inflame even when I even have to meet new people. I have a tendency to be awkward or mentally shut down. I’m like that one cow in the herd that tries to run from the lonely, sad range to try to live an exotic life of a zebra.
That was a poor analogy.
Moving along. In fact, this past weekend I had to meet several new people. As a result, I hardly slept because I just couldn’t stop thinking about non-sense that I’d possibly bring up for no comprehensible reason.
On a day of a meeting, during breakfast, my boyfriend’s father kindly offered me a travel mug of coffee to bring on the road. I almost wanted to decline because I feared the consequence of my increased possibility of caffeine-induced awkwardness. I accepted anyway, because I was so tired. I figured my fatigue would balance my impulses to be completely socially inept.
On the way to my destination, I started dazing off into space, thinking about how my car collected so many bugs onto its windshield on the way up to Fresno. Then, I thought about how each of them deserved it, because I hate bugs. Bugs are like the lint of the earth. The area seems to appear clean, but up close it’s all jacked up with worthless and annoying mess.
I was so focused on my insecticidal windshield that I completely forgot to change freeways. But the only reason this was brought to my attention was thanks to the random summer lightning that scared all mental control out of me.
On a caffeine high, I tried to comfort myself by saying Fresno is an amazing place and that I just fail with directions… and the rudimentary ability to focus on one thing.
Then, I thought about how amazing God is and how He cares about my little drive and me. I even reminded myself of Matthew 6, and began reciting pieces of the verse to myself: “Therefore, I tell you, do not worry about your life…Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?”
I was like…
And then a bird was all…
And the verse finishes, “Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?” Obviously not for that bird.
Touché, God. Touché.
Note: This is a true story.
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Dude, I took a bird off the windshield the other day as well, on the 168.
Thanks for this post KR. You manage to summarize much of my introvert-in-a-social-world experience as well!
lol! gross. i’m such a pansy about roadkill. thanks for the comment.
it’s unfortunate but this kind of terror plagued me as well, mein schwester. mommy and daddy could never alleviate our fears at night, or at least they couldn’t give very helpful advice. daddy once told me “it’s not like you are dying of pain!” or mommy “there’s no such thing as a moo-moo” ha! shows what mommy and daddy know! i’d like to see them PROVE IT!
i thought the drawing of you peering into your backseat was just you trapped in a backseat not you looking outside. O_O
i told the family how you thought you had cancer and they all could imagine that you would do something crazy like that.
yes, well… i don’t know.
<– I've never known what it'd be like to be a cute asian girl, but now I feel the prettiness all flowing through me awww
Maybe it's only temporary, but if there's a girl's pic next to my name, it mustttt be me right? I is confused, squiggly line face pthh
anywayyyyysssss, while I'm coming off my own up to down, caffeine to bored @ work monday mood, the hyper and out-there thoughts you write are (I'm sure you know this) entertaining… probably even moreso for you haha. watch out for lightning bolts and cows. especially cows with lightning bolt spots
hah, thanks. yeah, i tried to change the default avatar, but i’m still not sure how. i’m still trying to adjust to the settings. thanks for visiting! hope you don’t crash too hard from the caffeine. my brain tends to shrivel from fatigue and all social aptitude is lost.
ps: you should add some way for people to subscribe to this if you haven’t already. if using wordpress then won’t be all that hard to get a widget for it (but then again, I’m only assuming)
Oh goodness… I literally lawled on this one!!